Update: So that’s why you don’t often see bark on a live edge mantelpiece – apparently the internal tensions were too much for it. I might try to save it, only one end has separated so far.

Anyway it worked out with the help of crowbars and large hammers, and the slight misalignment between the bolts and holes means there's a very, very tight friction fit. I could dance a jig on this thing, and the glue I added was probably unnecessary. The end!

Then I drilled two ~matching holes at ~right angles into the slab and hoisted it up onto the bolts. Turned out that the holes were too ~, so I hoisted it back down to adjust the holes. Approximately 30 times.

I forgot to update this! Over the winter I drilled two ~parallel holes at ~right angles into the fireplace, discovering a brick structural layer behind the mortar, then glued 12" threaded lag bolts with the ends chopped off into the holes.

suspicions confirmed. sources say drying this could take up to [checks notes] two years?

Weighed the slab, it’s about 110lbs – and half of that could be water, maybe more. It’s going to need to dry out quite a bit before it’s usable. #whoamongus

I didn’t really think dragging this slab with a 25-yo Will It Start™️ riding mower was going to work! It was a question of wheel traction vs plywood friction on wet yard

I guess I’ve called my bluff, I have a feeling that may have been the easy part 😬

I’m beginning to understand why lumber is so expensive